Learning Chinese Blog

A really gay Chinese name. Mine.

The Girl works for a big time newspaper here in Hong Kong and was told by her office that she could have business cards made that would have her Chinese name included.  She was also able to get this done for me.  She probably begged, as they would be a useful remedy for my current state of unemployment. 

And so I received the following: "...my secretary made you a chinese  name. It's prononuced Ha, Jo Sun.
Ha is for Hagberg, it's the character for summer. Your given name means something like 'trustworthy'
So, you are Mr. Trustworthy Summer!"

Gayer than a pink picnic basket.  If you come to China, lie about your name until you are sure it doesn't make you sound like these twits.

Looks Like Rain

When you get to Hong Kong, you will notice something.  It rains here.  A lot.  And not just in typhoon season.  So when you find yourself in a situation that calls for mindless small talk (e.g. a work function) you will need to know some basic phrases to make conversing with strangers more tolerable, at least until the third glass of merlot kicks in.  Just as in the U.S., commenting on the weather provides one such way to pass the time.  And since it always rains here, this will always be an appropriate topic of conversation.

English:
"I think it's going to rain"

Traditional Mandarin:
我認為下雨

Pinyin:
wǒ rènwéi xiàyǔ

The best part is, even though the darkness and constant rain may make you feel like you're in Bladerunner, the odds are low that Rutger Hauer will appear and sucker punch you in face.

How do I learn Chinese? I don't even know English!

If you want some Chinese language today, sorry. Today we'll introduce you to an English word that, if you are an American not named Ken Jennings, you don't know. That word is “Shroff”. I was hoping that, sounding a bit reminiscent of “Snog”, it might also be a somewhat salacious term. However, since it was on an elevator button labeled “Shroff Office”, these hopes were not high.  I was right to be skeptical.  It's nothing like this...

The Girl first spotted the word and we both agreed that it must be an English English word. We were still surprised that we had never heard it given that we've both watched a crap load of BBC. Me: Benny Hill (yay!). Her: Nova (snoooooze!).

Anyway, the word apparently comes from this...

http://mw1.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shroff

Today it seems that it has come to mean simply a cashier's office more in the sense of where you pay your rent or bills, rather than a place where money is actually changed.

Booooring.

Tomorrow I promise to come more with the naughty.

Daffy and Donald barbecued please!

One of the things I have been wanting to do since getting to Hong Kong is to have some killer roast or barbecued duck.  A friend from law school suggested a place called Lak Yut, located in the Tai Po Market.  However, my research has led me to believe that there is not a whole lot of English speaking going on over there.  So to avoid ending up with a rack of mystery meat, I have managed to translate the following, which should get my point across:

"I want duck."

我會要鴨子。 is how this looks in tradional Chinese, which I managed to translate into Pinyin via the following site.

http://www.thepurelanguage.com/freechinesetranslation.aspx

The Pinyin looks like this:

wǒ yāo yā

I have no idea if this is right but I guess I'll find out soon enough!

You have an "A" right?

Course Review: Chinese Learn Online

There are a lot of courses you can take to try and master Mandarin, from books to one-on-one tutoring to online courses. I'm kind of lazy and trying to figure out what works best for me. And what's cheapest. I've dabbled with a few audio books, which have so far provided little help, not least of all because of th stupid DRM that libraries use. Luckily, I've stumbled upon a few podcasts that you can get from Itunes or directly from a website. Today, I spent some time with a couple introductory podcasts from this site

http://www.chineselearnonline.com/

I'll say up front that the narrator is a little dorky. My impression of him seemed to be that I was going to be learning from a sober version of one of the McKenzie brothers. As it turns out, I was right. Canadian! That said, I think the method might work and the first two lessons seemed to be in a format I'll like.

Plus, he has a co-narrator that sounded hot. And there is another saucy vixen on the website. Cute girls are motivational.

"I will drink your milkshake!"

So, The Girl is close to getting an apartment. A place we currently refer to as “The bargain.” Good space, good location, planning on moving in on Saturday. But, we run into a snag when the landlord takes issue with a couple revisions I made to the lease, primarily the little detail that The Girl has a dog and the agent apparently failed to mention this tidbit. The Girl is hot, and the not in the way I usually mean it. I have to calm her down and keep her from showing the agent what an American sized can of Whoopass looks like, and I think we may have a resolution. But I realized it would be handy if we had some Chinese phrases that would help us express our displeasure to our Chinese hosts.

And so:

tā māde niǎo 他媽的鳥) = goddamn it

wàngbāgāozi (王八羔子) = bastard

jiào nǐ shēng háizi zhǎng zhì chuāng (叫你生孩子长痔疮) - May your child be born with hemorrhoids

qù chī dàbiàn (去吃大便) [Go] Eat shit!

I am trying to translate the following more colorful declarations:

“I will drink your milkshake!”

“Oh no you di'int!”
“Jesus H. Christ!”
“I'ma be back. With my gun.”
“Yo mama!”
“I find your lack of faith disturbing.”

Please feel free to add to the list or send me requests and I will attempt to translate.

Also, babelfish. Very handy.

Barkeeper!

If you're just in Hong Kong for a visit, it's more than likely you're here to the kind of fun that entails exotic drinks and the company of the local (ahem) ladies.  In that case, whether you're out with the lads or out on your own looking for company, you need to be able to order yourself a drink.  Food?  meh.  That's a distant second.  So when the lovely young lady asks you to buy her a drink, you can sidle up to the bar and say "May I have another drink?"  or "可我有其他饮料？"

I have no idea how to say that, but I promise to be able to do it by this weekend and report back.  In the meantime, here are some pics of some big shot celebrities (I'm told) that could obviously stand to use the phrase a little less frequently.

(Angela Tong)

(Michael Tse)

(Your name here)

Since we've decided we're going to learn Mandarin, we might as well start with the most basic thing you'll need to know, at least if you expect to be in a business setting, how to introduce yourself.  You will learn that intonation is very important in both Mandarin and Cantonese.  Many words are actually spelled the exact same way.  For example, horse and toad are both spelled "mao" but it is the tone in your pronunciation that determines which you are saying.  So, I imagine there are many ways for foreigners to screw things by intending to say one thing, but actually saying another.  So, pay close attention to the following video so you don't end up accidentally calling your bosse's wife a street walker when you are actually trying to introduce yourself.

Hey! Wrong way dude!

Learning the local language is of course very handy and makes things a little more convenient when you live overseas. But did you know it can also save your life? At least once a day I am nearly killed while crossing Hong Kong streets. For some reason, the Chinese insist on driving the wrong way and on the wrong side of the road. Hence, when one is accustomed to looking one way for an oncoming delivery van, one gets a rude awakening when said van blows by you, nearly taking off your ear, from the other direction. Luckily, Hong Kong has this....

But if it were not for the English language warning, yours truly would not have made it through week one. How many other times am I risking death or dismemberment because I can't read a simple sign? Let's not find out!

How DRM will prevent you from learning Chinese

This is not exactly language related, but bear with me.

I told you I was going to start with a language program from Netlibrary. Pimsleur to be precise. Well, I can't get the damn thing to play on my blackberry and I really don't feel like sitting in my shoebox apt listening to my crappy pc speakers for hours at a time learning how to say “Hello, I speak very little Chinese” over and over again.

So, I looked into some other options and thought ebooks from Overdrive might work. Various libraries, including the Los Angeles Public Library, have Overdive audio books and I heard that they had better DRM. Guess what? Still can't play it on my blackberry.

People, I WANT to play by the rules. My law school time was focused on intellectual property rights and entertainmemt law. I believe people should get paid for their work. But I also worked for companies that refused to be reasonable and ignore the will of consumers while they developed their idiotic copy protection systems. (I'm looking at you Sony/BMG) So, since I can't use an audio file that is legally available, on a device that I paid good for in order to use legally obtained audio files, what am I gonna do?

I'm gonna record it with a free audio recorder, save it as an MP3 file and keep it. I'll make a donation to to the LAPL to keep my Karma in the black. I am in China, and when in Hong Kong.....

Sorry copyright holders, get your shit together.