Learning Chinese Blog

Course Review: Mandarin Chinese with Serge Melnyk

If you're like me, you have fond memories of "What a Country", which was the pinnacle of Ukranian-American comedic film.  (waits for googling) If you're like me, then you also thought "You know what would be awesome?  If Yakov Smirnoff decided to teach Chinese to English speakers!"  Well, Yakov is too busy in Branson, but we've found the next best thing.  Ladies and Gentleman, Serge Melnyk!

 

After listening to Serge and Adam from Chinese Learn Online, I am starting to think that all Chinese classes are taught by B list foreign actors.  And that Chinese instructors never, ever get laid.

We kid.  We love you Serge!  Serge has a decent enough approach, that is generally well organized and theme based.  Plus, it's a podcast.  But if you're not a slave to marketing and buying expensive s**t every time Steve Jobs takes  a crap, you can download the MP3 version to play on your so not cool MP3 player. Loser.

mandarin Chinese with Serge Melnyk

The site is set up fairly well and there are a lot of resources.  However, Chinese Learn Online is still the winner for now, which is in no way due to...

Etiquette in China

Along with speaking the language, you should know how to behave yourself when in Hong Kong.  There many ancient and obscure traditions you must observe, many of which your average Angeleno will be stupified by.  Things like, being on friggin time!  Also, asking for a fortune cookie after your meal.  Frowned upon.  I will be bringing you more handy tips each week.  Let's start with this video that was produced by the Joint Coalition for Sino-Indian Cooperation and Sensitivity.*





*Not true

Course Review: How do you say "useless"? Again.

It appears that the good people at Penton Publishing are intent on wasting my g****m time. I have previously reviewed one of their other offerings, Traveltalk.  This time, I tried Vocabulearn, not knowing that it was produced by the same geniuses.  And a genius is what you'll have to be to learn Chinese by listening to a guy say random words in English and then say them in Chinese.  No context.  No theme, which at least the Traveltalk course had to its credit. Just droning on and on about how to say "fish", "arrival", "tire", "disentary" and so on.  There's an hour I'll never get back.

You might not learn anything from this either but hey, hot girls and argyle.  yay!

"Excuse me!"

In Hong Kong, you will have many opportunities to say "excuse me", whether you wish to ask a question of someone or if just need to excuse yourself while moving through a crowded area.  There are no other kinds of areas in Hong Kong.  The way to say this in mandarin is "dway-boo-tchee".  A pronunciation can be found here  Excuuuuuuuuse me! Dinner is chasing me!


Later, I'll teach you how say this entire very helpful phrase in Chinese.  "Excuse me, dude with the PSP.  Would you mind putting away your gay Legend of Zelda game or getting the hell out of my way because you can't seem to walk and play with your toy at the same time. Retard."

The locals will appreciate the fact that you have bothered to insult them in their language.


 

Course Review: Travel Talk

How do you say "useless" in Chinese?  I don't know.  And I sure as hell won't learn from this audio book series.  The Travel Talk series is published by Penton Overseas Inc.  They suck.  While the premise of the course is good, the follow through is lacking.  The point of the course is to teach you common phrases that you'll need while visiting China.  Things that you might say in a hotel, for example.  However, as far as I can tell, the whole course consists of one guy saying a random words or phrases in English, followed by some lady repeating it twice it twice in Chinese.  There is no flow and no context.  One phrase is "We cannot", with no context to it.  We cannot what?  Bend space and time?   Drink lactose?  What?!!

A for effort.  F for Fail!

You might as well try learnng Chinese from this guy...

This week's translation tool

As you have probably noticed, I have not settled on one class or translation tool for learning Chinese.  I am going with a shotgun approach and looking for a variety of programs to see what each offers.  Today's tool, which I think has great promise, is the "Speaking Chinese English Dictionary" which can be found here Speaking Chinese English Dictionary

Although it seems that it was primarily created to translate medical phrases, I think it will be helpful for at least asking such questions as "Where is the nearest hospital?" when you decide to eat something that looks like this...

 

Ming Ding Xiong

You will never need this phrase unless you are an NFL fan, and more specifically a Chicago Bear fan.  If you are stuck in Hong Kong during football season, you may need to ask a local where you might be able to watch an NFL game.  Hopefully you will meet someone who can direct you to a destination.  They may be curious and ask you who your team is. You can reply:

"Ming Ding Xiong"  which wikipedia defines as:

"Mandarin for 'bears whose outcomes are decided by fate'. Their recent successful seasons had several games won on "lucky" plays, or decided by fate."

If you would like a clever Chinese name for your team you can try making one up and translating here Babelfish Translator, or just ask and I'll see if my local linguist can generate one.  Unless you are a Packer fan. In that case, you suck.

Chinese Blessings

Today we got cable.  Our installer spoke English, but I wished I could have given him a thousand thanks in his native tongue.  I think he got the idea as got to my knees and bowed to him repeatedly.  But should you find yourself in a similar position, wouldn't it be great to be able to express yourself in a way that does not make the other person slowly back away, wide eyed with fear?

Here is a simple blessing you can use: 

1.

English: May a lucky star follow you on your journey!

Mandarin: 路福星

Pinyin: yī lù fú xīng

Or you can try one of the following:

Introducing yourself in Chinese.

You're in a bar in Hong Kong.  You see a cute girl (let's just assume she is in fact a girl).  You've heard that the best way to start a conversation with a woman is to simply walk up and introduce yourself.  This is total crap.  However, since you don't know enough Chinese to be clever, you're going to have go with the simple and direct route.  Now you could just walk up and say hello or "Ni hao" and hope she can tell from your fearful look that you can't say another damn thing in Chinese and that she replies in English.  If you have to go a little further, then at least be able to say your name when you begin negotiating.  You know what I'm talking about.  So, follow this simple video and you should be started on the path to success with the "ladies" of Hong Kong.

A really gay Chinese name. Mine.

The Girl works for a big time newspaper here in Hong Kong and was told by her office that she could have business cards made that would have her Chinese name included.  She was also able to get this done for me.  She probably begged, as they would be a useful remedy for my current state of unemployment. 

And so I received the following: "...my secretary made you a chinese  name. It's prononuced Ha, Jo Sun.
Ha is for Hagberg, it's the character for summer. Your given name means something like 'trustworthy'
So, you are Mr. Trustworthy Summer!"

Gayer than a pink picnic basket.  If you come to China, lie about your name until you are sure it doesn't make you sound like these twits.